He is Fearfully & Wonderfully Made

This is Jaxon at his 20 week ultrasound. No, your not upside down, he is!! The little stinker insisted on standing on his head the entire ultrasound!! It looks incredibly uncomfortable but he apperantly was incredibly comfortable....

I just noticed that it's been more than a month since I have blogged, and I thought it was time to give an update!!

We are almost 22 weeks!! And God has been SO faithful in healing me as well as the preservation and protection of our sweet little boy!!! We had a Dr. appointment this week, and everything with Jaxon and mommy look great!! In fact, our next Dr. appoinment inst for a month!! :) (This may not seem like a big deal, but it's huge, we haven't had a month in between appointments since.... well since we found out we were pregnant!)

I recently experienced my first mothers day and it was amazing!!! I looked at my own mom and all that she has done for us and taught me, and am So excited about the amazing responsiblity and gift of getting to be a mom!! I am so excited to teach Jaxon about Jesus, and to teach him to love Him!! So I was hoping for those first sweet kicks on mothers day, (you know Jaxons first mothers day gift to me) but..... I didnt feel much!! I have within the past weeks started to feel those those little flutters, I am starting to get better at recognizing them!! I feel them the best though still when Im laying down.... What a sweet & amazing feeling!!!

Since finding out we were pregnant I have gained about 20 pounds, but thankfuly, at least to me, I am only showing in my stomach. I have passed the "is she pregnant, or just gaining weight" stage and am loving it!!! The first few months I really couldnt understand how some women love being pregnant --- well I am beginning to understand!!! And yes I am STARVING alll the time!! :) Although dont have any weird food cravings, at least not yet!!

Kyle and I recently registered at Target for our little boy!! It was So fun for us as we anticipated getting to use various things for Jaxon!! We are joyfully and anxiously anticipating having him in our arms!!

So, overall things are going great!! All the glory goes to God as we watch in awe as He knits our little Jaxon Sanford Tigar together before our eyes!! "He is fearfully and wonderfully made!!" Thank you for you prayers!!

Day by Day --- Our Lastest News

All week I have had the best of intentions in updating everyone ---however, they have been thorted by other best of intentions that have acctually gotten done or partly done at least. So here is my attempt to update our blog.

As many of you know, last Friday we had an unexpected trip to the hospital! I was at work and (well in the attempt to not give too much information) I started bleeding heavier than liked. So my mom picked me up and we headed to St Marys. They sent us up to labor and delivery, since we are past the first trimester, I must say it's much more posh up there, despite us being in the 'broom closet'. We did about an hour and half of ultrasounds.... The first being done by the ultrasound tech, who despite her harsh demenaor was quite excited to look at the gender and discover that we are indeed having a Little Boy!!!!!! Jaxon Sanford Tigar. (I'm sure many of you will be shocked that we have a name already, after all we are just at the 16 week pt.) But Kyle and I think it's important that he has a name and are thankful to be able to pray for him by name!! We have also had a lot of time on our hands to think names.... Next the Dr. came in to do another ultrasound, he said after looking at our chart and with a history like I have he wanted to see things for himself.

He explained that he saw a little bit of a blood clot, about the size of a sliver. But that the baby was unaffected by the this, infact the baby was moving like a wild man, with a great heart rate!! He called our Dr. and after a quick conversation informed us we were to be on bed rest for the weekend, and to call our Dr. first thing Monday morning and make an appointment with him.

Kyle and I were so frustrated by the idea od a new bleed, and even more so by the idea of me being back on bed rest and what that would do to our finaincial situation.... However, we contintued to trust in Gods provision both for Jaxon as well as for our finicial situtaion. And waited for Monday----our answer day.

Monday afternoon we went into see our De. and he explained that we are not like the text books! He really couldn't pinpoint the exact location of the bleeed. He did say that our baby continues to be right on tract as far as growth and his health! Thank you Lord!!! He also said that Kyle and I were now about to do the hardest thing---taking things one day at a time, and seeeing what each day presents for itself. I could return to life as normal, although on the very light side of normal, and if I had any major bleeds I would go on bed rest for a week and try again. He told us that I can bleed a lot more than I think without it affecting the baby. And that if I had any major problems to call him! He also told us about some of the other women he had seen who had really bad bleeds throughout the pregnancy that they could never pinpoint, and that their babies were delivered healthy. And that once we made it to 24 weeks if there was an immediate threat to the baby he could deliver him at that point through a c-section. He also made sure that we knew our misscarriage risk rates had not gone up! I was strangely and unexpectedely encouraged through all of this!!!

After that we did a quick ultrasound, just so that he could make sure heart rates were good! And as usual Jaxon was moving like crazy and his heart was strong!!

Kyle and I left the Dr appointment both very encouraged by what we would have thought would be frustrating news. No one likes to be told, 'hey you can't make a plan beyond today' But we remembered thats what God told us first.... "In his heart a man plans out his course, but the Lord determines his steps" Prov. 16:9 Also remebering thats Gods grace is sufficent for Today, this day! Are hearts are full of joy as I am allowed to go back to work (don't worry I'm just going back part time, about 4 1/2 hrs. a day) As we see jaxon continue to grow (we remember the very first ultrasound when he was nothing but a flashing line, or even more so the very first pregnancy test when he was just capital letters "POSTIVE") and we rejoice! God has preseverved the life of this tiny baby, and continues to do so!!! He has tought Kyle and I tremendously about dependance on HIM and continues to do so!! We are thankful for our new plan: Our day by day plan, becasue it is through one day a time that He has called us to live, and one day at a time that will glorify Him!!

The best news!!

As many of you know we had another ultrasound and Dr. appointment yesterday! We started off like always with the ultrasound..... Our baby is a little over 14 weeks :) And we are officially in the 2nd timester, which as many of you know is a big milestone fo any mom and dad to be. The baby measures about 3 1/2 inches, double what he was at out last appointment. He started off the ultrasound sleeping, but by the end was kicking and moving like crazy! Not to mention how arnery he was being by not looking for the pictures! (wonder where he gets that from) Here is the 4d pictue, his face was turned away, and he had his hand up by his face again (kyle was convinced he would be picking his nose) and theres a great vew of the umbelical cord. My favorite part though is if you look close you can see a little toe! :) We also asked the ultrasound tech if she could tell gender yet, knowing this would be a shot in the dark, as it's still a little early. She was so persistant though at trying to get a glimpse :) She said she thinks she got a view, and that it's a boy, but not to hold her to it!! So kyle and I are thinking it's a boy (well kyle says 70% boy) We will find out for sure in about a month. His heart beat was great, as normal, which I am learning to be incredibly thankul for! Overall baby looks fabulous!! Thank you Lord for your protection over our sweet little boy. I thought today, how God knows our sweet babies name already, meaning He's not surprised if it's a boy or girl :) And that is such a sweet thought, to think of how much God already knows about our 14 week old bundle of joy!!!

Next we meet with the Dr. He came in and said "I can't belive it, the blod clot is gone, it's a miricle" He was shocked to see it gone!!! We were thrilled!! God has truly answered our prayers and those of our faithful friends and family who have left us at the foot of the cross for the past month and half, where we have despertly needed to be :) The Dr. continued to answer several questions we had, and assured us that everything is going along great! and our baby is doing great!! We left yesterday thrilled at all that God is doing, and excited to see what's in store!!

God continues to remind me to lean on His strength! And that His grace is sufficient for TODAY!! So i'm trying to stay in Today and bathe in His grace and promises!!!

I got to go back to work today which was wonderful, and again kyle and I are so thankful that I have a job to go back too!! I continue to be amazed and thankful for kyle and all that he has done over the past 7 1/2 weeks :) I have a wonderful husband!!

Oh a sweet side note, for those of you who have not seen me recently I have the start of a baby bump :) And yesterday when we went to the Dr's I asked kyle how much weight he thought I had gained. His guess 13 lbs. I assured him I hadnt gained that much and he lovingly said we'll see. Well I have only gained 5, what a stinker! :) He obviously has no conceptulzation of weight gain. :)

To all of you who have kept us at the foot of the cross through your prayers, thank you! May you too be encouraged as you see God answering them. And we ask that you will continue to keep us there as we continue to trust God with our baby and learn all that He has in store for us as we prepare to teach our baby about the Amazing God we serve!!

Baby T

Our Dr. appointment started with the ultrasound!! (Our favorite part) The baby was moving like crazy!! Her (although we don't know the gender, we just hate using "it") arms and legs were flailing around! Kyle looked up at the ultrasound tech: and said "it that an arm, a leg, etc. is the baby moving" She assured us that the baby was moving and that is a great sign to have an active baby!!! We than got to hear the heartbeat which was SO strong!! 174 beats/min! It's amazing as we watch the baby grow before our eyes, and we see God truly knitting her together!! After the tech left the room kyle looked at me with this serious face and said "Can you feel all of that?" (The picture is the 11 1/2 week, we love our ultrrasound tech! She is fabulous about getting lots of pictures for us!)

We than waited to meet with our Dr. He came in with a huge smile, and said you guys are doing so great!! The blod clot is getting smaller (Thank you Lord for answered prayers!!) and you guys have almost made it to the secound trimester (Next Saturday, the 21st will be the beginninious fg of the 2nd trimester). He also told us that our miscarriage rate has fallen from a 75% to 5%. (Kyle and I's eyes bugged out of our head, as we both just starred at eachother) The Dr. said he really thinks were going to carry this baby to a full term. :) He also talked to us about continuing to be very careful. He's leaving me on modified best rest - he said I can start to do a little more, but to be incredibly careful!! (We go back on the 31st) Kyle and I have decided to stick with what we have been doing!! It's obviously working, so why change now?! However, we would love your prayers concerning my job: when I let them know what was going on they said they didnt know if they could hold my job open that long. Kyle and I are really trusting that God will provide for our finances.

Overall, it was an incredibly encouraging visit as we see Gods faithfulness in the birth of our first baby!! Thank you for the countless prayers you have offered for us!! And we thank you for your continued prayers, as we wait and behold the wonders of the God we serve!!

In the meantime Kyle and I continue looking at baby names, although the girl names are coming along much slower than the boy names!!

For Boys we like: Jaxon, Aiden, and I really like Noah
For Girls we like: Addison and Alexis

Reflections

"At any given moment God is doing a 1000 different things in you"

As I sat in reflection and drawing on Joni Eareckson Tada's lesson "A Jewel In His Crowen" with Ginny Owens playing in the background Im looking at this in a new pespective. A perspective I hope I can hold on too! I look over the past few weeks and I see the incredible fear I have had of what God is doing: fear that it would be His plan to take the baby and that I could do nothing to stop Him. I have held on with incredibly tight fists. But I have decided that fists let go, hands open, and heart ready my desire more than anything, yes even more than this sweet baby, is my desire to be the Women God has for me. I want to be more like Him, to see His son shine through my broken cracks. When I was lisstening to Joni she talked about how in this world there is so much suffering, and while I know I am an incredibly blessed women, and my suffering is minimal compared to so many, this is indeed a trial. My prayer is that I will begin to look at in a new light: that I will relize like Joni says: "I am not as delicate as I would like to think" That I can see the selfish ness of me, my domestic sins that I have so easily looked past, and that I might truly begin to desire God to scoure me, His refinement, not becasue I enjoy the struggels, but because I truly desire to be a reflextion of Gods Son! I desire to truly yield my life to Christ. Least this sound holier than thou, I know I have an incredibly long ways to go, the rest of this earthly life to be precise. I just wanted to share my new perspective, in knowing that as you read this you will partner my prayers not only that God would stregthen our sweet little baby, but that He would use this trial to make more like Him, to grown and to chnage me!

The Ups and Downs of Our Week

I thought I would give everyone an update of the ups and downs of our week. Thankfully there have been far more Ups than Downs.

We'll start with the Ups:

Our favorite part of the week was getting to see our sweet our little baby and the amazing growth!! With about 7 months to go I find myself incredibly anxious to be have our sweet baby in my arms! Kyle and I just sit on the couch at night and say to eachother "can you belive in 7 months were going to have a baby" I'm also anxious to begin showing : the anticipation of a growing belly and the tanagble proof that really is a baby in there! (Not just gas and indegestation) :)

Another favorite part of the week was beginning our baby book :) It's amazing anticpating what our baby will look like, their characteristics, etc. I also really enjoyed looking back over the past several weeks and seeing how not only the baby has grown but how God has grown kyle and I! Speeking of baby growth: looking back at our ultrasound pictures I am truly understanding the Psalmist when he talks about how God knit us together in our mothers womb, and his eyes see our unformed body... Psalm 139: 13,15 God has shown me through countless ultrasounds how He is knitting this precious baby together.

I have also enjoyed the fellowship with my husband. It's amzing to see his gentleness with me despite my at times lunetic demener :) We have enjoyed several sweet moments over anxieties and excitements ! I am so thankful He is who God has provided for me!

Another very sweet part of our week has been the service of our familys! We are so thankful we have such amazing families who are willing to step in at a moments notice to serve us! And the prayers of our immediate family and church family have been wonderful! Kyle and I can truly see God working through the prayers of His people and that is a wonderful testimony!

Now for some of the downs : mind you most of them have been spent huddled down by the toilet. I am experiencing morning sickness (well all day sickness) on a whole new level. At any given notice with no warning I find myself hurrying to the bathroom or searching for a bag while Kyle stands by in horror! The worst one being a cupple mornings ago when I went to the fridge to get water and a bagel and I stept in a disgusting little somthing left by our dogs. I rushed to the bathroom thinking if I just washed my foot off I would be okay. But now my gag refelexs kicked in high gear and I spent a good deal of time over the toilet. (I'll spear you the rest of the details) I spend a good deal time nauesus : some of the things that are the worst are : water (it seems nearly impossible to drink 8 glasses, when I get sick with just 1), my pre-natal vitamins, anything that has a weird or undesirable smell, and a lot of foods. I must say in a weird kind of gross way I enjoy the all day sickness because it is proof of our little peanut.

Another down has been the aches of my body. You would think, aww bed all day, how comfortable. Well I can testify it is far from So comfortable. My back hurts, and my calf muscles get incredibly sore. With a nauseus stomach it's almost impossible to get comfortable in any position. Not to mention my unrealistic fears that each ache brings.

The other downer has been the t.v. Well there are severl shows I thorouly enjoy, it's the commercials I find incredibly irritating! Two in particular: the first one being a KFC commercial where the cook gleefly says 'there is one of us in every kitchen' I know for a fact there are no cooks in any KFC that are that excited and joyful about their job! The other commercial that I want to just throw the socks at is a commercial for Car Facts or something like that about selling cars online, not only is the commercial annyoying but it always repeats itself!! Are you kidding me?

Okay well I guess this is enough venting.... Thank you for you faithful prayers throughout the week and we will keep you updated!

Music to My Soul

Yesterday Kyle and I had another ultrasound to check up on baby and see how the blood clot was/is progressing. We started off with the ultrasound - my heart always sinks until we see the baby. At last we got to see the baby, and my first thought was "man that looks like a little hampster in my uterus" You could distniguish between the head and body, and although the ultrasound tech said she couldnt get a good view of the arms or legs yet, kyle and I know we saw them :) She than showed us the heart beat - 176 beats/min. My eyes smiled and my heart rejoiced. I know the tech sees this reaction becasue she always says "lets lissten to that little heart again" Second time 185 beats/min. The sound filled the room. It amazes me as I see God knitting together this sweet little baby inside me :) What an amzing sense of responisbility and awe with our creator that He can sustain such a fragile life, and that He would bless Kyle and I wih this mighty respnisiblity! Our baby is now the size of an olive :) Kyle and I are also convinced it's going to be a girl :) (Not that we belive in signs, but as the ultrasound tech was typing in head on the picture she accidently typed her)

Next we met with the dr. He told me that bed rest will last at least 2 more weeks! But that he was encouraged becasue while the blod clot has no decreased in size, it isn't getting any bigger!! But the baby is continuing to grow strong!! He continues to hope that as the baby grows it will push against the blod clot and much like how pressure on a cut on your leg would casue the bleeding to cease, he hopes the presure of the baby will make the blood clot cease.

While I'm not thrilled about 2 more weeks on bed rest, I am greatly encouraged that what I am doing is allowing the blod clot to not grow bigger. And I continue, althought at times through grited teath and tight fists, to trust in God that He will bring this baby to a full healthy birth. That God is graciously giving me this time in bed to prepare me for the immense resposiblity of leading this precious baby to know Him. That I mighgt grow in my faith and knowledge and thus be better equipped in the training of this sweet girl. Although this is easier said than done at times, especially with the temptaion and easy out of the tv, I continue to strive to seek Gods strength and power in this time of waiting. And kyle and I think you for your prayers as we wait on the Lord and behold His greatness!!!!